Monday, May 19, 2008

Waiting



He's waiting, sometimes patiently, sometimes not so patiently. Sometimes he's excited and sometimes he's sad. As for Hubby and I there is a little of every emotion available in this mix. It's hard to imagine that the small boy we brought into the world so many years ago is graduating from high school already. Everyone would tell us to enjoy our time, that it goes by so quickly. Apparently I didn't believe them because I couldn't imagine on those sleepless nights, and those difficult crying days that the day would come when he would be officially a grown up.

Last night was senior camp out. (Don't even get me started on this tradition, just walk away!) The seniors all camp out in the parking lot of the high school. In the morning they block the lot to all vehicles except for those driven by seniors. Crazy, I know, but apparently a tradition that's been going on for years. As I lay in bed this morning wondering if he made it through the night. (My cell phone didn't ring and the cops didn't bring him home, so those were good signs!) I heard the back door. Open, close, open, close. So I knew, as the usual, he had forgotten something he needed for class. But he didn't stop and say hello or good morning, he just came and left. I am sure it was his attempt to be quiet, but it was sad anyway. Hubby turned over and asked me, "Will you be glad when this is over? These few weeks have been chaos. It's been so hard. Do you want to do it again or was labor harder?" (36 hours mind you!) I told him, "Labor was easier, I think I'd do that again before I'd do these last few weeks of senioritis." And it's true! So much worry, stress and tension.

It's Mr 18's last day of high school. Sure he still has a final test later this week, but it's the last full day. I am sure that he and his friends are clinging to their last day of togetherness before they all head in many different directions. High School has been their identity for years, being together and seeing each other, the familiarity of the school(s), the teachers and parents coming and going has been their source of security and identity. Their friends, friend's parents, teachers and peers have been their security blanket. Whether they realize it or not, parts of their blanket will never be the same again after today. Life for them is about to speed up and take twists and turns that will lead them to places they never imagined. There is such promise ahead for them. Do you remember what it was like?

Last night was Baccalaureate. Mr 18 and I went. It was good to see all the young faces. They wore their caps and gowns and there were prayers and songs and words of encouragement. Although it is optional, I was shocked to see that only about half of their class was there. I was so proud of the kids that did come, but I was also surprised more by those that didn't. Half of the class. It makes me wonder why.

This week will be a mess of Open Houses, and rehearsals and final tests. Our Open House is tomorrow afternoon/evening. I have lots to do to prepare, but I'm on the right track. Mr 18 has a full schedule for the week, and hopefully has remembered to inform me of all of it so I can get him out the door when he needs to get going.

In the meantime I am spending a lot of time in my head, remembering. I'm sad, I'm happy and I'm scared. I'm worried, I'm nervous and I'm relieved. If I have so much emotion, what must he be feeling?

1 comment:

Jo& said...

Excellent post.
He is probably feeling like a canoe on a fast moving river with the rapids approaching, unable to direct his progress or do anything except go with the flow. Only when he is over the rapids will he look back on the experience.