Tuesday, August 12, 2008

I've Been Discovered!

The other day as Miss 15 and I were checking the radar, repeatedly, for storms, and she was checking her emails, myspace and whatever else she does, I caught a glimpse of a familiar web page, this one! (HI MISS 15!!!) I have been found out. No longer is this a blog of hidden messages that I write about my children. Now, it is a blog read by my children, GASP! The dastardly-ness of her scheming to uncover my secrets, I can't stand it. So in that regard, sometimes I may need to be more vigilant about what I write here. No more whining and complaining about the kids, no more moaning and groaning about the sorry state of my life. Oh wait, I'll still do all that, now Miss 15 just have to endure it. Sorry about that Miss 15, your life is out there now for the world to see. Mwah ha ha! *That was my evil laugh, could you tell?

Harvest is full out busy right now. So if posting is light, you'll know I have been called to do something busy that keeps me off of the computer. Whatever it is must be important, because me being on the computer is pretty much a necessity.

School starts here in less than 2 weeks, August 21st to be exact. Mr 18 leaves for college on August 23rd. And in a secret known only to whoever knows me a little bit, I am turning 40 next month. With all those things staring me in the face, I have been trying to determine how I feel about them all. Most of them are a mixed bag, I feel good, I feel bad and I feel
ambivalent about every one of them.

As far as the girls starting school, it's just way too soon for that business. The classrooms will be too hot, the sun still sets too late for an early bedtime and I haven't got to spend near enough time with them doing fun things. But, on the other hand, when they are fighting with each other, or arguing with me, or when I would like just 5 minutes of peace, school can't start soon enough. Overall though, I'd rather wait at least one more week for them to go back.

Mr 18 leaving for college: This is another one of those instances where I am not sure how I feel. I'm excited for him to hit the world on his own, but I am really nervous as well, he hasn't always been the most responsible kid. At times I am sad that he is leaving and at times, after we have argued about the same thing for the thirtieth time or I am waiting to hear him come in the door late, late at night, then I am more than ready for him to head out into the big, wide world. At least then I won't have to know what time he gets home at night, or I can worry more about it during the day and still sleep at night.

Turning 40: Quite honestly I rarely think about this. Unless someone says, "Oh, you have a big birthday coming up this year," or something similar it doesn't really cross my mind. Oh sure, looking in the mirror I see those telltale lines, and the draping skin that wasn't there last week, but I never consider 40 a big deal.

Now when I add all those things together and then throw in the stress of harvest and being a single parent for a while, I can see where this mood has settled in from. Why moving is too much work, why I would rather grab a book, sit on the deck in the sun, and not think about it. But, life doesn't afford much luxury for sitting around these days. Although I do sneak in a moment now and then, my sanity is at stake! There are boxes to pack for Mr 18, school bags to pack for the girls, harvest meals to make, and plastic surgery or a brown paper bag to consider for myself. Life is full of tough decisions, isn't it?

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