It is Friday and for that I must thank my lucky stars. Not because this weekend will be a joy, it won't, but because maybe if I am very lucky the ending of this week will bring us closer to getting back to normal.
It has been a living h#// this week. Not that it all began this week, oh no, it's has been going on for a long time. But this week simply compounded it.
I can not completely blame Mr 18, but darn close. I realize the pain he is in this week, and believe me we have made many, many concessions for it. But being cussed at and screamed at, doesn't cut it at my house. No matter what has happened in his life being disrespectful to his parent's and siblings is a definite no-no.
I had a long post planned for today ranting on his thoroughly horrid behavior. Believe me it was going to be a doozy. I was convinced that it was just him. To some degree, it is worse with him, but after talking to another Mother of one of his close friends and classmates this morning, I realized that it's not just him. I don't mean to wish any of what we are going through on anyone else, but it was such a relief to hear from her that her son is behaving in pretty much the exact same way. Even though we aren't close, and even though we seldom visit, we had a nice laugh together realizing we shared some common, though torturous, ground with our "adult" children. She recently visited with another of the boys' close friends and her son is in the same boat.
I think there should be a Parent's of Teens support group in this town. We all face the same moods, rants, ignorance, unaccountability, irresponsibility, lack of motivation (.... need I go on?) It would certainly be a great benefit to have that support and allow the realization that we aren't alone in our stresses. Instead of crying to ourselves, we could cry and laugh with each other.
Mr 18 learned of a tragedy yesterday: a friend of his took his own life. It is indescribable to think of the horror these parents are feeling. Mr 18 and his friends are nearly incapable of functioning at this point, they merely walk through the days in a fog. The hardest part for me, is there is nothing I can do to help, except sit with him when he is here and tell him that I can't fix it for him, but I'm always right here when he needs me. Mr 18 is emotional on a good day, and this has taken a huge toll. He doesn't like to talk to us when he's having emotional troubles, but now and then, if I happen to time it right, he will open up a bit. He was home for lunch today. I waited to put my lunch in the oven until just as he got home, but I made sure it didn't look intentional. I sat at the table with him while he ate his lunch, but I tried not to say anything unnecessary. Eventually he started talking a bit:
"I skated with him almost every day last summer."
"I know you did. I wish I had known him better. Did *friend* skate with him, too?"
"yea, every day, even when I couldn't."
"How is *friend* doing?"
"He hides it. (pause) It's hard."
"Yes, it is."
"He was out recording music with his band... that night... I just don't get it."
"Did those friends know anything was wrong?"
"No one did.... *other friend* went and sat with his Mom all day yesterday."
"that was nice of him, I can't imagine how hard that was."
"me either. It's the only time I have seen *another friend* cry. I've never seen him cry before."
silence for a while... then he says:
"I told the guys I would come and just sit with them for a while."
"Ok, I can't fix this for you; but I can be here if you need me."
"I know"
Not too many words spoken, and it doesn't sound like much to an outsider, but this was a good step forward.
We live in a small town, this isn't something that is going to be un-noticed. The young man graduated last spring, he has a lot of friends at the High School, and yet Mr 18 said that no one at the high school has even acknowledged what is going on. There is a large part of the student body going through some serious emotion and the administrators have yet to see fit to discuss it. Will there really be any learning going on right now? Are the teachers and administrators unable to see the pain these kids are in? Or are they just ignoring it? It won't go away. There is a big roadblock in the way of education at that school today. Pressing forward with business as usual will not benefit the students or the staff. This young man was a big part of this High School. The loss of his life isn't a non-event. Honoring him and remembering him will help these kids to heal. Ignoring what has happened will only increase the tension the students are feeling.
I've heard people talk about January as the month when nothing happens, and earlier, after the holidays, I may have even been thinking it myself. After this past week when I filled up my calendar's dates for the month in record time, I just don't think that anymore.
January=relaxing around the tv/fireplace/under the electric blanket! I don't think so! When did life decide January was a good time to be busy? When the weather is frigid and snowy and the wind chills dip to 30 below, it's NOT a time to be busy! Who didn't get this message and decided to inundate me with things to do?
There... I got that out of my system. Phew! Now on with normal every day rantings. I picked up Mr 18's senior picture proofs today. They are wonderful. It's going to be very, very difficult to chose which ones to use as portraits and which to give to relatives. I also have a hard time looking at them and imagining that he will be going away soon. It just seems surreal. Then, when I speak to him and he's in one of his moods, it's not too hard to believe.
Hubby and I drove 2 hours out of town this morning and then hopped back on the road and drove 2 hours home again to be here in time to pick Miss 9 up from school. Hubby had work to do out of town, and I was lucky enough to be dropped off at the mall for an entire 2 hours. I found some awesome deals, so I can't even complain. I got this adorable skirt to wear with my new boots, 2 sweaters at 60% off, and 2 sweaters at 50% off. Yay for bargains! More fun~less guilt.
Tomorrow I get to chaperone and drive for a field trip for Miss 9. She's very excited for me to be able to do that. Hubby may have to stay home from work as the weather is supposed to be awful with wind gusts to 50+. It's hard to work outside when the wind call almost blow you over and the temp makes you feel like you've been hit by an ice truck. Yuck. I hate the wind.
Miss 14 is battling another case of swimmer's ear. Such fun for her with a swim meet coming up this weekend. I wish their was a cure for that: well I wish there was a cure for many things, but that's the one on my mind today.
I didn't die. I just chose to skip keeping up with this blog. That's the luxury I get when no one reads it anyway, right?
It's been a busy life at our household since Fall. We've had State Cross Country, where Mr 17, now Mr 18, placed in the top 16% of the state! Whoot! He was pleased, and I was pleased that he was pleased.
Miss 14 also had State Swim, but she didn't actually swim, she went with the team and cheered.
Miss 9 has been doing some brilliant work at school, and in spite of hours of homework with her, I feel like she is making progress. I am so grateful.
At the moment we are struggling with a case of senioritis in Mr 18, along with his own troubles that he has brought on himself. I'm not sure when he will learn, but he keeps going after girls with boyfriends, then wondering why they don't want him. It's a vicious cycle, and I know he hurts inside, but it's bringing this family to it's knees to tiptoe around him like we have been.
I have been working infrequently, yet I have managed to stay incredibly busy at home. I wouldn't mind a job a day or two a week for a few hours though.
Hubby is still swamped at work; we also have a ton of work to do for tax season which is very, very soon for us. I had been all caught up... until we had our major computer crash, and because I'm an idiot, we have nothing left of all the work I did previously.
Sigh...
I'm setting a goal now, to keep this blog up a little better this year. Let's see how I do...
New things since I last posted:
1. I got a new couch and chair for the living room. I ordered them and got to choose the exact fabric and style I wanted for each. I pink puffy heart them!
2. I have a new niece who is beautiful! I haven't got to meet her in person yet, and I don't know when I will get to. This makes me sad.
3. Miss 9 has started serving at mass. It took some prodding, but she is doing a great job. Her anxiety almost prevented her from doing this at all. It was a big step.
4. My sister spent a few weeks with me here at home this fall while she was pg with my new niece. It was amazing to have her here and be able to share that part of her life with her.
5. Miss 14 has realized her lifelong ambition from her kindergarten graduation: she wanted to be a swimming lessons teacher and now she is a swim coach. She is brilliant at it!
The list would be long and tedious for anyone who had to read it, so I will stop.
I will post again soon.
I was able to sub yesterday in a fun classroom. I usually enjoy my working days. Although the classroom was fun, it was very noisy, there are lots of kids in it, so I felt like "shhh..." and "listen up" were my most used words. The kids were great though, so I won't complain.
The things I will complain about though are dorky parents and the lack of heat. My classroom never got above 60 degrees all day! Seriously! Since I wore a blazer, I decided I didn't need a jacket. Boy was I wrong. I let the students put on their outdoor sweatshirts and jackets, and how I wished I had one too. My fingertips were so cold all day and my nose was freezing too. I'm such a baby, unless it's 80+ degrees I wear long sleeves, so this temp did me in.
Another complaint: Parents! I'm a parent too, so don't think I've gone to the other side. This specific problem is with one parent. Her son is notoriously behind in class because he will not stop talking, ever! So he often has a lot of homework. Which should be expected since every teacher and sub since kindergarten has told her that her son talks A LOT! Anyway, yesterday she called the school and had my classroom paged while I was in the middle of a lesson. She needed to "ask" me a favor: Would I please keep her son in from his afternoon recess and make him do his homework. He was going to be busy all day after school and into the evening and she didn't feel like keeping him up late doing home work. Excuse me? I don't mind if a students has to stay in from recess. It gives me some one on one time with them and they get the extra help they need. BUT, I don't like that a parent would ask it of me just to prevent homework that day. Teachers do deserve a break for the bathroom now and then. This recess would have been my second one of the day~ at 1:45 p.m. and at that point using the bathroom was a necessity not a luxury.
My oath for the day: I will remember never to ask a teacher to keep my child in from recess just to prevent homework. Teachers need a break but even more than the teacher, students need a break.
Well, falling off the wagon into fall? I'm at a loss for a title today, and a topic I guess, so here are random bits of nonsense that are in our lives right now:
1. Cross Country meets will fill our time again tomorrow, but then we don't have a meet for another 9 days, and Hubby may be the only one able to watch Mr 17 run at that one. (5 hours away!)
2. Miss 14 leaves at 6 a.m. on Friday for a swim meet that is 6 hours away. I know, it sounds crazy to me too.
3. Miss 9's year at school is improving, but her teacher is still making rookie mistakes that are driving me crazy. Last week they had an election at school. Instead of doing it by secret ballot, Teacher has the election so that everyone knows how many votes each candidate got. Miss 9 ran for Class Representative, as did every single girl in the room. The students had to vote for 1 boy and 1 girl. Most girls got only 1 vote... and they know they got only 1 vote because Teacher let them see the results. So now most girls in the class are convinced that " no one likes me!" Sigh... secret ballots and no one's feelings are hurt. Make sense? I think so.
4. I am tired of having a headache and being ache-y, all the time, it's getting hard to just keep doing what I need to do.
5. Our lives today specifically are crazy. Here is just the short list:
2 sports practices lasting 2 hours + for 2 kids
1 CCD Banquet lasting 1.5 hours for 1 kid, 2 parents and 1 sibling who has no where else to go.
1 CC pasta feed for 1 kid
1 training session for Altar servers at the church for 1 kids
Driving from here to there, to here and to there for many parents/kids
As many hours of set up for a rummage sale at the private school as any parent available and possibly a child or two can fit in.
Errands including but not limited to: post office and several stores
Driving.. just driving, which is driving me crazy!
1 dessert to make for the CCD Banquet
1 couch to be loaded and taken to rummage sale set up
1 parent doing his full time job all day, leaving only one parent for all the driving, cooking, errands and set up
6. Then there is me just missing the time when I can sit and talk with my kids, about nothing. Between practices, homework, meal prep, eating and clean up, other extra curricular things the kids do, and my volunteer work I feel like we visit in only the 3 minute drives we take from here to there. Since Mr 17 has his license, I don't even have those 3 minutes with him anymore.
7. I'm tired of being a whiner. Note to self: STOP IT! Appreciate what you have and don't whine about what you don't!!
8. I ordered a new couch! Hoorah! I get to paint too, can't wait for the finished product.
